Crunchy Goodness

If you've been following my posts on here or on MFD, you know that I'm quite passionate about eating real food and avoiding, as much as possible and within reason, processed foods. One food I ate daily, though, was definitely processed: Kashi GoLean. Sure, there are many many worse processed foods I could eat, but for some reason, it was galling me that I could not find a less processed, yet still very healthy (ie, not yummy fattening granola) crunchy topping for my home-made yogurt and fruit.

I learned to eat plain yogurt right after I came off of OPTIFAST. My partner and I were visiting Charleston, SC and had breakfast at one the city's local spots: G&M - fast, French cuisine. It was lovely - fresh brewed coffee, croissants, yogurt and granola with fresh fruit. I loved the crunch of the granola with the creaminess of the rich yogurt.

I quickly learned that granola is one of my trigger foods - so I rarely enjoy it. It's a great food, but a small amount goes a long way and I just can't seem to get enough of it. So I used Kashi GoLean to provide my crunch, along with some fiber and protein (from the processed soy).

Then I learned to make my own yogurt. Since that time, I looked for alternatives to the Kashi. I tried low-fat granola. I still scarfed it down. During all these experiments, I'd bought a package of wheat berries. I had no idea how I'd use them, but I figured I'd just cook them like rice. I never thought about toasting them. Until this weekend.

I was snooping through nuts and berries sites online this weekend and learned that wheat berries can be toasted (they pop like popcorn and puff up just a tiny bit) and then enjoyed without additional cooking. So - I toasted (using a covered frying pan and small batches) almost all of my wheat berries. They're delightful with my yogurt and fruit. The best part - they provide a nice amount of protein and fiber. Not as much as the processed Kashi Go Lean, but enough to keep me happy until lunch time.

I love it when something works!

Privileges Revoked - at my request

You know how when you drive by an accident scene, you really don't want to look to see how bad it was, but there is something inside you that makes you look anyway? I'm that way when it comes to the online forums of pretty much any kind. I recognized this about myself years ago and for the most part had stopped all participation until I started using MyFoodDiary.com. Over the past several weeks, I've limited my participation and discovered lots of benefits, the primary one being I felt less frantic about my weight. However, with forum, I'm like the passer-by of an accident: the one who covers her eyes and peeks through her fingers.

So, I wrote to MFD and had my forum privileges revoked. Now, I click on the website, enter my foods and view my daily report and click right back out.

So what am doing with all my free time? Today, I've learned I can make 'popped' wheat berries. I can't wait to try it. And I'm also looking for a non-processed food smoothie recipe that is higher in protein and lower in carbs. Haven't found it yet.

One of the side effects of the metformin is a decreased need for food. I find myself eating smaller portions and being satisfied with much less than what it use to take to make me happy. I am also a member of the clean-plate club so I'm reducing portions dramatically and I'm also looking for lighter meal options for lunch. For some reason, I've gotten it in my head that I want to have a smoothie for lunch. Made with my yogurt, fruit and some form of protein. Two years ago, vanilla protein powder would have been used. But my sensibilities and evolved and I really don't want to use protein powder. So... any ideas? I'm thinking dried egg whites.

On a follow-up to my review of Women's Health: The Ultimate Fat burner exercise DVD. I'm sending it back to Netflix and not ordering it from Amazon. Yep - that's right - NOT ordering it. I noticed that my knees hurt quite badly after doing the program the 2nd and 3rd times. My aging body isn't up to such high impact workouts. I can handle some high impact - like jogging in place or jumping jacks. But ski jumps is just asking too much!

:::: waving hi to Cindy :::: Thanks for the comment!

Nothing much to say

It's funny. Not participating in the Forums on MFD has left me without fodder for my weight management rants. And it's left me feeling a little more at peace.

Don't get me wrong - I'm still rather passionate about eating real food in reasonable portions. And I still long to be able to not work so I can bake my own bread and make more recipes like this delicious 'biscotti' from 101CookBooks.com. And I long be able to not work so I can exercise and stay fit in a way that doesn't impact my partner so much. But well, I like shoes, so I have to work.

But when I'm not on MFD, I don't feel like I'm constantly seeing people seeking that mythical magic pill. Gone are the posts asking about the great acai berry diet. Gone are the posts touting the latest and greatest exercise routine. Gone are the posts asking (or is that whining?) "what am I doing wrong?" And also gone is my impatience for such posts! And I've also noticed my own desperation for weight loss is waning. I'm regaining my sanity.

It's a fragile sanity. The medication (metformin or glucophage) has caused a weight gain, which I'm hopeful is just a temporary thing. If not, then the doc and I will be having some words! I do think it is temporary. I'm not eating as much - I'm no longer hungry all the time. And that's a good thing. I'm thinking about not weighing myself every day for a while. That does frighten me.

I think all in all, I'm finally gaining the balance I have been seeking for the past year. That feels pretty good.

For a change of pace...

... I rented the Women's Health Ultimate Fat Burn Cardio Scult workout from Netflix. It's a very fast paced cardio interval workout with some strength training. Here's my take:

The suggested hand weight to use for the program was 3 lbs. I used 5 lb dumbells, and except for one section didn't feel muscle fatigue in my upper body. There was one section that involved 'swinging' the weights that felt a bit awkward for me. Overall, though, after having done Jari Love off and on for the past year, this program felt a bit weak. It's probably great for maintaining tone, but I don't know that it's got what's necessary to create tone.

Another negative was that there was not a section dedicated to core work. That said, the core was being worked through out the program just by using good form.

On the positive side, the cardio was challenging and not over-choreographed. There was only one move I could not do at all, and there were alternatives being demonstrated so I didn't lose any momentum waiting for that sequence to be done. I will do this program again and again just for the advanced cardio (advanced for me, anyway)

Another plus was that I felt her cool down to be worth doing. Usually I don't and I skip that part. Yeah, I know. Not good for me. But I did it and didn't regret it.

Now for the biggest plus - I felt I got a good workout done in less than 40 minutes. That part I really like.

Looking back, around, and forward

This will be the final installment of my 'anniversary' series.

I received an email from myself yesterday.

Dear Maura, 

I'm so proud of you!  You lost 70 lbs and better yet, you've maintained that weight loss for three years! And you were invited (OK, at your prodding) to speak at a STARS group at Emory so you can share your experiences. 

YOU ARE A SUCCESS!

You didn't do it alone.  Dan.  He's been so wonderful to you and supported you every step of the way.  You are so blessed to have him in your life.  Be sure to thank him.

Remember, the best acknowledgment  and reward you can give yourself for reaching this milestone is to keep on being healthy and working towards your goal.

You are worth it.

-Maura

I was vaguely surprised to receive it and then I remembered.  This time last year, I was so proud of my two year accomplishment and being invited to speak at Emory that when someone on MyFoodDiary.com mentioned this future email service, I jumped on the opportunity to congratulate myself for 3 years.   The service is free: Futureme.org I highly recommend sending your future self an email congratulating and praising yourself for the efforts you make every day to be a better person. A little reinforcement every now and then is a good thing.

Looking back - not much to say about the past year that I haven't already said before. It's been a hard year in terms of weight maintenance and getting used to working again. At the same time, it's been a blessed year. I'm proud that I have kept up enough good habits to keep from gaining a lot of weight.

Looking around - I see that my diet has room for improvement, but overall it's a healthy diet. I am glad I went to the doc and am hopeful the metmorphin helps so that I can start enjoying food again without gaining weight every time I indulge. I'm also thankful for the people who support me here on this blog, the ones who are waitiing on me to go back to posting on MFD (Sarah - that's you!). And my partner. Cindy, I saw a phrase of yours on MFD "loved me to life." That describes so well the impact D has made in my life. Thanks for sharing that.

Looking forward - I see me keeping on keeping on. Maybe I should rename my blog to that because it really is my mantra. I know that if I keep on keeping on doing the things I know are good for me, I'll continue to be healthy and happy and balanced. Isn't that what this is all about anyway?

The results are in...

... and I'm happy to report that my thyroid is functioning normally.  And my gyn says my heart sounds great - very strong, steady beat.  And my blood pressure was great.

And now for what's not so great, but certainly not so bad:  the endocrinologist confirmed the metabolic syndrome diagnosis and further defined it as insulin resistant/pre-diabetic.  I'm to continue to eat healthfully and exercise.  And I'm adding glucophage (metmorphin) as a chemical intervention to help with the insulin resistance.  Basically, the test results show that I have a bit too much free-ranging insulin in my system.  My body produces more than I need or can use.  The excess is stored in fat cells, particularly around the abdomen.  Sigh.  Guess what my biggest problem area is!

Anyway, this treatment is the first course of action and hopefully the only one I'll need.

And a quick shout out to Cindy on MFD - congrats on your fitness test results!  That is so wonderful.  

Now vs Then

Yesterdays post probably sounded a bit full of self-pity and self-loathing.  I don't really pity myself, but there are days that I loathe myself.  I find it very easy to concentrate on what I have done wrong versus what I have done right.

What I have done right is far more important and lasting than the few things I don't do so well these days: I've changed my lifestyle.

How do I know this?  Before OPTIFAST, had I been faced with the major life changes I've experienced (and caused) over the past 1 1/2 years, I would have 'soothed' my stress with food and vegging out in front of the T.V.   Just thinking about taking a walk stressed me out.   When I say 'soothe' my stress with food, I mean a typical food day would have looked like this:

1.  Breakfast: McDonald's Egg n' Bacon biscuit "value" meal, including the hash rounds

2. Snack: honey bun from the vending machine

3. Lunch: McDonald's Quarter pounder "value" meal

4. Snack: Snickers bar from the vending machine

5. Dinner: 1-2 cups of grits or rice or pasta, cheese, bread - anything starchy and easy.

And if it were a particularly bad day, I would have also 'rewarded' myself with a pint of Cherry Garcia.

Exercise?  Only to and from the car, at a snail's pace.

What's stressful eating  day look like now?

1. Breakfast:  home-made yogurt, frozen blueberries, Kashi GoLean and slivered almonds 

2. Lunch: leftovers - usually a leanish protein, green vegetable and baked plain sweet potato and if I feel the need, I walk all the way to the other side of the building for 1-2 pieces of bite sized candy a co-worker keeps on her desk.  I DO NOT go to the vending machine.

3. Snack: 1/2 an apple with 1 TBSP of peanut butter

4. Dinner:  leanish protein, starch, green veggie, bread & butter and a half a beer.  (Yeah, dinner needs some tweaking)

6. After dinner clean-up and next day prep: I'm putting this to be honest - I sneak extra bites while I'm cleaning up and prepping for the next day.  This is one area where I need to make a boundary and stick to it.  And it's one behavior I practice that does not facilitate weight loss/maintenance.  The good news is that what I'm sneaking is healthy - not spoonfuls of ice cream or handfuls of chips.

Exercise: At a minimum - 30 minutes of brisk walking.  Typically - 45-60 minutes of cardio or weight training.

The differences are astounding.  I would eat more calories before lunch than I typically eat all day now.  And the idea of vegging in front of mindless TV makes me cringe.

Today, I spend a lot of time preparing my foods and being ready.  I make my own yogurt. It takes time. My partner and I eat real food - it takes time to prepare.  Thankfully, he does much of the cooking.  A lot of time is also spent exercising.  I do these things without thinking most of the time.  Even when I'm stressed and just want to sit down.  

And because these healthy behaviors are so  much part of my life now, I have weathered the major life changes without gaining a ton of weight.  A few pounds, yes.  But not what the old me would have gained.

I'm grateful to all the people who have helped me get here and who help me stick  it out.  And I'm also very proud of myself.

It's been three years...

... since I came off of OPTIFAST, after losing almost 70 lbs.   I think my last official visit was March 16, 2006.   

Last year to celebrate my anniversary, I went back to Emory and talked to their STARS class about maintenance and 'beating the odds.'  I also started this blog. 

This year, I don't feel quite so victorious.  I know that as far as OPTIFAST goes, I am victorious.  My weight is within 5 lbs of my weight when I came off of OPTIFAST.  And mentally I know that is something to be proud of.  But I'm not feeling proud.

Why? Because the scales are showing a 5 lb gain over my OPTIFAST weight and an 8 lb gain over the weight I was able to maintain for 1 1/2 years.  Because I know that I don't always eat as cleanly as I could.  Because I know I don't always practice portion control.  Because now instead of being 13 lbs from goal, I'm more like 20 lbs from goal.

So I'm a bit ambivalent about this anniversary.  I know that, for the most part, I am victorious.  I've beaten the odds.  I am not worried that I'm going to backslide and gain all the weight back.  I am worried that I may never get these 8 lbs, much less the 13 more, off of my body.  That worry is overshadowing any since of accomplishment.  

So where to from here?  More of the same - keeping on keeping on.  Eating well and moving well.  Taking care of myself.  And trying to not let the concern over a few extra pounds turn into another ride on the guilt & desperation roller coaster.   Life is too short for that.

Decision Made

This will be quick.

I have decided to keep my membership with MFD - but only to log my food.  Logging my food on a consistent basis is one of my most powerful tools for weight management and MFD really does make it very easy.

I will continue to blog here and of course, reply to emails.  

And now that I've made that decision, I feel better.   It's almost time for my anniversary blog - I've been thinking about it, but I'm not sure yet what I want to say.  Perhaps I'll do a series of anniversary posts rather than just one "I did it post."

Feeling a bit of a quandary

Last month when my partner and I had the discussion about my use of MyFoodDiary.com and I started my great adventure of not using MFD, I had it in my mind that I would sorely miss MFD.  And at first, I did.  But not so much now.

I don't miss logging.  I still mentally log.  I don't miss the craziness of most of the Forum.  And I certainly don't miss the numbers game.  

I do miss my 'online friends:'  Peach, Sandra, Jay, Cindy, Sarah in Va, RealFood, Martha K, Michelles (I'm sure I missed someone - it's not intentional!).  I do miss their support, inspiration, humor and steady drive to 'stay the course' in their weight management journeys.

What have learned during the hiatus?  1) It's very easy for me to get caught up in drama and when I don't have access to it, I don't miss it.  2) It is also easy for me to slip.  I need to be consistent with logging my food - whether or not I use MFD or not. 3) I am a maintainer.  I have not allowed this hiatus to be a trigger completely abandon all my healthy habits.  Sure, I've slipped a little and I've put on a couple of pounds, but I've kept up the exercise.   

I've also learned that while my partner doesn't think much of blogging, he's not suggesting that  my blogging makes me ill the way he thinks MFD makes me ill.  I did finally tell him I had one.  I told him why I started it last year (my 2 year anniversary of maintaining my weight loss) and he says "why am I just learning about this now?"  And I smirked "because I know what you think about blogs."   But he didn't suggest I quit blogging.  He does suggest I not use my real name (oops) or have any pics of myself (oops) on the blog.  

Another thing I learned is that I did use MFD as fodder for rants on my blogs.  I never really intended my blog to be a daily diary of my ups and downs with maintenance.  I'm a little too private for that kind of public disclosure.  I did intend for it to be a place to rant about the insanities encountered along the way as well as to share what works well for me.

I'm still not sure what I'm going to do.  Go back to MFD for the ease of logging and restrict my use of the Forums to the Maintenance thread?  Or just log my food on paper and blog here?  I don't know.

And that's where I am on MFD.