I did it

I got on the scales this morning. 162.2 - that’s up 1.5 lbs from April 30th. I was afraid I’d see a number much higher, so while I’m not thrilled with the number (or how I feel carrying this much extra weight), I am OK with it.

All in all, it’s not that terrible since I really didn’t even try to keep to healthy choices while on vacation last week. We had barbecue yesterday. Panera Bread the day before. Wine. Gin & Tonics. That’s just in the few days.

I also had two or three cycles in the last 4 weeks. My body is changing and my caloric needs are changing along with it. I can fight it, or just accept it. If I fight it, I’ll probably end up gaining even more weight. Accepting it and learning to eat less and be satisfied is key.

So, what are my plans? Get back to eating healthfully 95 % of the time and remembering I need to actively practice self-care in the form on non-punitive exercise, journaling and breathing.

My goals: By June 30th, I want to look forward to exercise, I want journaling to be more a habit than an afterthought and I want to actively practice deep breathing at least three times a day. Those are behavioral goals. If I practice those behaviors (exercise, journaling, and breathing) then I will achieve the goals. As a by product, I should lose weight. I’m putting a goal of 155 out there. That’s 7.2 lbs. A little aggressive, but doable, if I am careful.

I’ve been reading Martha Beck’s The Joy Diet and she suggests making sure we participate in three ‘feasts’ every day. And that we must reward ourselves every time we practice a behavior that will lead us towards our goal.

I think one of my ‘feasts’ will be kntting. I’m really enjoying that right now. Another feast will be some time reading.

Here’s my weekly goals & rewards:

Log my food and average 1500 calories per day/ Listen to music

Exercise - strength training 3x and walking or Leslie Sansone 2x./$1 in my splurge jar

Journal - every day - at least 5 minutes/Actively watch the birds/chipmunks & squirrels*

Breathe - before each meal, take 3 deep breaths/Actively admire the cats*

* Actively means be fully engaged in the activity, keeping my mind focused on the animals.

I have a huge challenge coming next weekend - an unexpected, required, family reunion. My mother has planned so far - hamburgers and hot dogs for lunch on Saturday and then a trek to the BEST barbecue place ever: Carolina Barbecue in New Ellenton, SC. One or the other would be great. Both is just too much. I plan to take a healthy side dish and avoid the hamburger bun and chips. I haven’t decided yet about the barbecue dinner. But I know this - I won’t eat to the point of being stuffed.

That’s it for now. Lots to do today to get prepared for the week.

Happy Memorial Day.

No need to fishtail into a brick wall

I just posted this on the Maintenance thread on MFD - and thanks must go to Sandra for her U-Turn analogy.


When I joined MFD, the first time, I was not in Maintenance - I was 13 lbs from goal and not making any progress towards it. But I was logging and exercising and getting support on MFD. I wasn't reaching goal because I enjoyed my weekends. For various reasons, I left MFD and came back when I had gained 6 lbs. I took it off and I was back to that weight I could somewhat - through brute force - maintain. I posted a lot on the the boards, thinking that I could 'lead' by example and encouragement. Then life happened - I no longer had time to apply brute force to maintaining my weight. I got sloppy and rationalized away the weight gain each time the scale inched up. I started looking for the magic pill. And I kept gaining weight. And I felt hypocritical posting anywhere. I was ashamed I had gained weight.

But today, I had a really wonderful realization about our Team Maintenance group - not only are we supporting each other in our efforts to maintain our weight, we are supporting each other in our efforts to maintain our healthy weight management habits/practices that allow us to achieve and maintain our happy weights.

And one resounding message that comes through so clearly - we need to have a 'scream' weight that once it comes into sight we know it's time to STOP and do a U-Turn. It doesn't have to be slam on the brakes, screeching tail-spinning stop that has us ramming into a brick wall before doing the U-Turn. With self-awareness and honesty, we can gently glide to the stop and do the U-Turn back onto the path of healthy living.

It's through the support here that I'm able to be honest with myself and realize that brute force and ramming into a brick wall are not going to do me any more good than the magic pill. So - thanks everyone!

Went to the yarn store yesterday. Yikes. I left with 13 skeins of yarn and a 30” Addi Lace point #7 circular needle. $282!!! YIKES. The yarn though is heavenly - Lornas Laces Shepherds Worsted - superwash. And it’s D’s afghan. I’m using my ‘mistake’ pattern, a slight variation of the Yarn Harlot’s one-row scarf. Her pattern goes : k 2, kbl, p1. My variation goes: k2, p1, kbl. I like my variation better. It makes a nice slight ‘ridge’ and it easy to remember. Well, so is the correct version. So the afghan is this - 9 repeats of 26 stitches to be about 45” wide. And 13 skeins worth of rows. I might finish by Christmas. I hope.

http://www.lornaslaces.net/colors.asp

http://www.yarnharlot.ca/blog/archives/2006/10/12/one_row_handspun_scarf.html

So what does my splurging in the yarn store have to do with my weight management. Ummm..... nothing except that while I knit swatches yesterday afternoon, I knit right through a slight “I’m hungry” feeling. This is a good thing since according to MFD, I ate almost 1000 calories at lunch despite my efforts to choose healthy foods. Sigh.

The good news about that lunch is that I didn’t eat until I felt stuffed. I ate a reasonable portion (the heaping plate of baked ziti could have fed 3 people easily) and left the rest at the restaurant because it wasn’t all that good. D ordered fried mozzarella. I don’t know why he has to have that stuff but he does. I ate one piece of it. But I mainly filled up on salad before all the food was brought to the table. OK - and yummy garlic rolls dripping in melted butter substance. Yeah. Those rolls are what did me in. I should have stuck to my thinking of getting soup and salad. That’s what I will do next time.

I did go for a walk yesterday. After skipping just about 1 1/2 weeks of exercise, yesterday’s walk felt like it was my first in months. Sigh. Going again today. We’re going for barbecue tomorrow. I already know what I will order - 1 sandwich and a side of slaw.

What else that splurge meant is that I’m feeling hesitant to spend money on two books that I’d like to read for reinforcement: Skinny Bitch and Savor. Talk about extreme opposites. Of course, Skinny Bitch is so totally opposite of my new mantra: gently, kindly, that it’s not high up on my the list. The excerpt I read was funny. I like funny. Savor, though, fits my new mantra to a T.

I want to feel vibrant

So I woke up this morning and decided to NOT weigh-in. I'm on vacation until Tuesday and I really didn't want to get upset today. I will weigh-in on Monday - and daily thereafter. I don't really have a plan for how I'm going to take off this weight. Gently and kindly and in a way that is sustainable, not punitive. My biggest challenge is that the bulk of my calories come at night, when I eat dinner with D. Dinner that D has prepared. It would be easier (and healthier, I know) for me to have my calories spread through out the day. But that's not an option right now. So I won't plan on it. Instead - I'm thinking about a 300-400 calorie breakfast that is full of fiber and protein, and then spread out the remaining 400 calories over 2 "snacks." That leaves me with 500-600 calories for dinner. The only way to keep my calories that low for dinner is to measure every morsel of starch and protein that I eat. That will be difficult with some of the dishes D prepares - but I'll do it as much as I possible. Breakfast is easy. I'll have either yogurt with GoLean and blueberries or a smoothie made with coconut "milk," banana and protein powder. I need to come up with easy to prepare and carry to work, balanced snacks. I'll be thinking about that. I downloaded a sample of Savor: Mindful Eating, Mindful Life (Hardcover) by Thich Nhat Hanh - another book about mindful eating. One thing I like, so far, about this book is that it includes not only Buddhist advice, but also advice from a nutritionist. I think my goal is for peace with food, eating and my body. For that to truly be achievable, I must incorporate mindful eating and exercising in my life. Just as I typed that last sentence, I realized that I maintained my weight by brute force which created an incredible amount of stress - and it showed. I've been puzzled - the last two times I've had my hair cut, my stylist ( a gorgeous older Brit who if he wasn't married might make me forget all about D - or at least think about it) has gone on and on about how good I look. More so that usual. This last time he asked what I was doing. I told him I'd gone up 3 dress sizes in 2 years. He said well, "Chubby looks good on you." While on vacation, I thought about it and I think I came up with why he thinks I look good. My face is no longer drawn. When I was keeping my weight down by brute force, the stress of it showed in my face. I looked a bit brittle. I no longer do. That said, I don't feel as healthy as I'd like to feel. I feel a bit sluggish and lethargic. That's from carrying too many lbs and drinking a bit too much alcohol, and not moving enough. Perhaps my goal is no longer to see a lower number on the scale, but to feel vibrant and to choose foods and activities and the thinking that supports feeling vibrant.

Friday check in

Well, this week has pretty much sucked.  I realized a couple of things -

1.  I MUST pack and prepare my own food on all work days. Otherwise, I tend to make very poor food choices.

2.  I currently am the filling of a stress sandwich and I’m being squeezed on both sides - home and work. D’s respite on stress lasted, oh about 30 seconds, and my boss’s stress level has gone up exponentially over the past few months. Both handle their stress well. However because of my roles as partner to D and as admin to my boss - I do get their stress. It is compounded by the fact that I am an energy sponge. I’d forgotten this. I have some ideas on how to cope - one of this is going to be an insistence that I have time to deal with it my way.

D and I leave for our spring vacation on Sunday. I will weigh in on Friday, May 28th. I am preparing myself to have gained weight. But I won’t say the month has been a complete failure - I am having more good days than not and I’ve started exercising again.

While we’re away, I’m going to work on realistic goals for June.

Be Gentle and Kind

I posted this on MFD to a member who experienced a sudden, unexplained spike in her weight.  I'm reposting here - because, well 1)  I need to remind myself of this daily these days and 2) others may also need to be reminded.

Your frustration and it sounds like a bit of fear feels very familiar to me. I really do believe the spike on the scale is a temporary thing and that you should not let it cause you more stress. That is much easier said than done. Unfortunately stress will cause you to hold on to pounds. And you have been through some major life changes this past year. Good or bad life changes cause stress. It could just be your body's way of saying "I need a bit of a break"

That said, I think you are very wise to not just shrug and blame a hard exercise day, or sodium or hormones, or stress. That's what I did - over and over and over. And now I have 20 lbs to lose. I'd hate to see you go through THAT. Talk about stress!

I do encourage you to stay honest with yourself and GENTLY keep yourself on track. One thing I've noticed about myself, even at 20 lbs over weight - if I eat well and exercise, I don't worry about my weight. If I eat badly, I will worry about my weight and worry tends to cause me to eat badly. It's a vicious circle. My main point that I don't think I'm making very well - is to be gentle with yourself. Give yourself some slack. As long as you are honest with yourself and keep using the tools you have - you will get back to your happy weight.

A week of progress

This past week’s goals

1. I think eating vegetarian may be wrong for me - even if it’s just for part of the day. I think I need an approach of eating lean proteins and lots of veggies. Very little starch. To that end:
   
   
   • Breakfast - yogurt and blueberries w/some sort of grain or boiled eggs w/whole wheat toast
   • Lunch - salmon salad (lean meat) with greens salad and roasted squash or green beans
   • Whatever D fixes - small plate, less starch, side salad
2. Exercise - walk Tues, Wed, Thurs, Fri. If I can’t walk - push ups and sit ups in my office
3. Journal - need to be more consist. Let’s say: Sat, Sun, Mon

Hmmm - I think I wrote my plan BEFORE I did Jari Love that first time. Anyway - here’s what I did:
Food - still needs to be cleaner and I need to do better at sticking to plan. That said, food was better this past week.

Exercise - this is where I made real progress:

• Sat - walked 1 hour
• Sun - rest day
• Monday - Jari Love - 1 hour (for those who don’t know - Jari Love does strength training DVD’s)
• Tues - worked 10 hrs - did a few push ups and sit ups
• Wed - Jari Love - 1 hour and walked 25 minutes
• Thurs - walked - hills - 30 minutes
• Fri - Jari Love 1/2 hr - hard full body work out using combo moves

I really feel good about my exercise. And while I’m not exercising to lose weight, I feel myself wanting healthier foods because I am exercising. I recognize that good fuel is important.
I didn’t journal quite enough.

Overall, I feel OK about this past week. I know my food still has lots of room for improvement and I’m going to continue to work on that with small changes. I feel fantastic about the exercise - looking forward to my walk this morning. And I guess the best part is that I do feel hopeful that I’m making lasting changes. I know my diet will have days that would make most nutritionists shudder - I’m gonna have a hot dog or hamburger, with fries, from time to time. But making allowances for those indulgences is what will make them possible - from time to time.

And I do believe in the power of exercise for keeping a good mental attitude about it all. Exercise doesn’t have to be painful or feel like punishment to be effective. Maybe it’s uncomfortable from time to time, but I realize now that my workouts have to suit me so that I will look forward to them AND feel good about them when I’m done.

Wanting protein

So I did Jari Love again last night. I missed my workout on Tuesday so I did Jari Love AND went for a short, not too challenging walk last night. The walk was tough at first, but then my legs stopped protesting (they were tired after all those squats and lunges) and the walk was enjoyable. We’re having lovely spring weather and I plan to take a longer more strenuous walk tonght.

For the first time in I don’t know how long, I’m protein hungry. This is definitely a sign that I’m on the path to eating more cleanly - and I think the strength training is what I needed to nudge - and I mean NUDGE - me back on the path. I really do feel so much better when I limit non-fiber filled starches like pasta and white rice. (D doesn’t like brown rice and thinks whole wheat pasta is an invention of the health food industry so it’s not real - go figure)

Friday Check-In

Overall, this past week sucked. Work was tough and my food choices and portion control was way too close to “Old Maura” for my liking.

Today’s food has been MUCH better! I feel good about it, actually.

• Breakfast - peanut butter sandwich on whole-grain white white with Polaner spread - 380 caloires
• Lunch - Lance Malt - 220 calories
• Lunch 2 - banana smoothie made w 1/Banana, 1 cup low fat milk, stevia and vanilla. YUM 220 calories
• Snack - iced coffee made with stevia and a splash of cream - 40 calories

So far before dinner about - 860 calories.

But the better news is that I had a hard and long work out and I LIKED it! I did one of the original Jari Love programs - Slim and Lean (or something like that). It’s an hour of tons and tons of reps. I decided since I have not done any strength training to speak of in quite some time to take it easy. I used 5 lb dumb bells for squats and lunges and 2.5 lb dumb bells for the rest of the work out - even putting the weights down for part of the shoulder work. I’m tingling all over and it feels great.

I rubbed arnica oil into my muscles after my work out. It is supposed to do wonders for so muscles and bruises. I recently had first and experience on how well it works with bruises so I thought I’d give it a try for sore muscles too.

Here’s the plan for next week:

Food:
Breakfasts and lunches - lean proteins, high fiber fruits, lots of veggies and limited starch
Dinners - whatever D cooks - on small plates

Workout:
Sat - Walk
Sun - Walk
Monday - Jari Love
Tues - walk
Wed - Jari Love
Thurs - walk
Fri - Jari Love

Now some caveats on that schedule - my work is very crazy these days and if I can’t get out of work on time, doing the Jari Love program or even walking may prove impossible. If that happens, I will do sit ups and push ups and some stretching. I will at least MOVE some on a scheduled work out day.

Now the rewards:
For keeping to my food plan - a place mat and matching napkin for my desk at work
For keeping to my exercise plan - a new work out top

And some non-food/body related goals:
Get a library card - a branch opened up nearby and I want to take advantage of it.